C.S. Lewis - Question 1

I relate very well to Lewis’ words when he wrote “For what we are trying to do is to remain what we call ‘ourselves,’ to keep personal happiness as our great aim in life, and yet at the same time be ‘good.’  We are all trying to let our mind and heart go their own way – centered on money or pleasure or ambition – and hoping, in spite of this, to behave honestly and chastely and humbly.”  This is what I find so difficult about giving my all to God: that it is impossible to live both for Him and for myself.  Why can’t I do both?  I can be stubborn sometimes, so I tried living like this for a while and finally realized it didn’t work.  I tried to be “good” and hoped that after I accomplished whatever good was demanded of me that my “poor natural self will still have some chance, and some time, to get on with its own life and do what it likes.”  There were times when I felt tired of trying to be good and times that I wondered why I wasn’t getting enough credit for being good.  I have come a long way since then, but sometimes I still see little glimpses of that same living-for-two-masters attitude seeping in.  It can be difficult for me to completely stamp that out.