John of the Cross

In my personal life right now, I feel most in need of strength.  John of the Cross wrote of many things with which I am all too familiar.  These include becoming very angry because I am called to do what my flesh doesn’t believe I need, losing interest in God because I measure him according to my circumstances and not vice versa, and abandoning certain spiritual exercises because no spiritual consolation is yielded.  Interestingly enough, each of these things only applied to one area of my life: my family. 

In every other area of my life I would fully proclaim God’s power, strength, and ability to do anything.  When it came to my family though, I felt completely overwhelmed, defeated, and discouraged.  I would completely underestimate the Lord and his omnipotence.  I practically gave up on continually praying for my family, being loving towards them, or seeking any kind of reconciliation. 

A lot had happened…lots of pain, hurt, and suffering.  Relationships were essentially mangled and just left for dead.  There was bitterness, resentment, hatred, and anger almost everywhere I turned while at home.  It was near impossible to have hope, and so I gave up; just pushed it all aside and ignored it. 

Well, of course God wasn’t going to sit around and let that happen.  He intended for all of it to make me grow, and so just recently God has been hitting me with some crazy stuff.  Basically it’s the idea that I can’t go on the rest of my life completely bitter towards a certain person.  I know, “duh” right?  Unfortunately I can be extremely stubborn, which leads to close-mindedness.  I just didn’t see it.  God is pretty good about revealing things and all though…

“Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old.  Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it?  I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.  The wild beasts will honor me, the jackals and the ostriches, for I give water in the wilderness, rivers in the desert, to give drink to my chosen people, the people whom I formed for myself that they might declare my praise.” – Isaiah 43:18-21.

That about says it all.  God is telling me to forget all that has happened.  Forget about how you were hurt.  Forget about how it’s all not fair.  Forget about the reasons you are angry, bitter, or upset.  Forget about the ways that you yourself messed up.  He is trying to do something new!  How could I not see it?  I am being put through all of this for him; it is not about me.  I suffer because I am chosen and so that I may declare his goodness and his provision of living water in the midst of the desert.  Forget.  All.  Else.  Especially everything that your flesh is screaming at you to do.

And that, brothers and sisters, is what takes strength. 

              May I always find it in you, Almighty God.